Jer Coons

The Story of Jer Prologue: Jer Coons grew up in Vermont, a small rural state that did not have television until 2004 (or internet until 2008 … hoping to get high speed this year). In 2000, at age 11, an impressionable young Jer went to visit his cousins and saw something on their “picture box” that would change his life forever. That of course was the MTV music video for “Bye Bye Bye” from ‘N Sync’s platinum selling album, “No Strings Attached.” Was it Justin Timberlake’s piercing brown eyes? Or Lance Bass’ frosted tips? Maybe it was the group’s dazzling dance moves? One thing is for sure, after seeing “Bye Bye Bye,” Jer Coons knew he had to be a musician. Story: For the next eight years, following his first ‘N SYNC experience (a time now simply referred to as the revelation), Jer went through various phases of self-exploration. For a time he studied Scientology under Tom Cruise (also an ‘N Sync fan), spent many days contemplating Freud, watched the Jersey shore, learned guitar, dated some girls and eventually found himself with enough songs to record an album in 2009. That album, Speak, dropped last fall, and you may have heard his song “Legs” when your iPod broke and you had to listen to the radio. It is also possible that you heard it while buying some fresh digs at Hollister, grabbing some fresh produce at various chain supermarkets, picking out some fresh paint at Home Depot, purchasing some non-expired (hopefully fresh) contraceptives in CVS pharmacy, taking a nap on a comfy mattress at Big Lots or even while eating The Endless Lunch for only $6.99 at T.G.I. Fridays. Basically, the only way you could have not heard “Legs,” is if you shop at Whole Foods or Lowes. Today, Jer and his live performances are superior to virtually all singer-songwriters for one important reason: • Most singer-songwriters suck. Especially the ones pushing middle age who have seen no real success and now hang by a thread shopping at Urban Outfitters in an attempt to look ten years younger. Armed with drop dead catchy melodies, boyish good looks and a charm equal to or greater than Paris Hilton, Jer could wear pleated pants from Eddie Bauer and still look good. Epilogue: Jer often receives comparisons to many singer-songwriters and performers. Before jumping to any conclusions, take a look at these facts: Ke$ha Similarities: Jer and Ke$ha both like to wear Zebra print cat suits. Differences: Jer brushes his teeth with Crest (plus added whitening), not Jack Daniels. Jason Mraz Similarities: They both have a huge vocal range and can sing many words in a short amount of time with few pauses Differences: Guys actually listen to Jer Coons Justin Bieber Similarities: Jer is from Vermont, which many highly educated people still think is a part of Canada (which of course is where Justin Bieber is from). Differences: Jer’s voice improved after puberty. Taylor Swift Similarities:They are both young, tall, thin, attractive singer-songwriters with blondish hair (Jer’s gets blonder in the summer). Differences:Jer was cheer captain (Taylor was on the bleachers). Lil Wayne Similarities: Growing up, both Jer Coons and Lil Wayne spent time in “time out.” Differences: Jer Coons has never spent time in prison. Howie Day Similarities: Both play killer live shows with full bands, or solo acoustic with loop pedals. Differences: When Jer gets a tour bus, he won’t lock any fans in its bathroom. Also, Jer has never been addicted to heroin, gone to rehab or dated Brittany Spears in rehab. John Mayer John Mayer is probably better than Jer Coons. Bono Similarities: Jer can count in Spanish. Differences: Jer’s real name is good enough to be his performance name unlike Paul David Hewson. Damien Rice Similarities: Jer has traces of Irish in him. Differences: You don’t need Zoloft to listen to Jer. Kanye West Similarities: Kanye now tries to sing, which we can only assume is because he wants to be like Jer. Differences: Jer is totally modest.