Kutschurft

The pale autumn sun has lost its courage and has disappeared behind the horizon, the sun sets quickly over Utrecht. The weather is bad and even the moon has got a bad day so the darkness in the streets of Utrecht is complete. A very valuable decision is taken at the extremely secured section of the observation clinic: “Pieter Baan Centrum”…. Because of cell deficiency they decide to put 2 of the Netherlands’ most dangerous and most conscienceless together in 1 cell, a decision that has extreme consequences for the Metalscene, the general good taste and national security… Dr. Zmegma (nr. 25600-99) and Dr. Schurvt (nr. 92701-79) appear to get along very well and they create plans for the absolute evil; the creation of the most degrading, tasteless and appetite-distorting band of the Netherlands & Belgium: KUTSCHURFT! The sirens alarm everyone in the early morning of 15 November 1999. Within 15 minutes the building has been surrounded and the environment closed. Snipers are on the roofs, Tanks are patrolling around the streets and F-16’s of the air force are crossing the sky. 250 Commando’s storm the clinic 30 minutes later, what they found there will even shock the worst serial killer… They had bitten through the lock on their door. A nurse was tied up naked on the table and was forced to eat her own faeces. At one of the therapists they need to remove a 1 meter long table leg from his rectum. The head of the section-leader was found in the microwave. There was no trace of the 2 men. Kutschurft has escaped and is ready for World-Domination! After their escape Schruvt and Zmegma stay with Ranzz, yet another criminal for whom Interpol has been searching for many years now and above all: a merciless drummer. Their first gig is just a matter of time, so the national security is afraid of. And indeed, at a sweaty band-evening at Chez-Bebe in Utrecht with Engorge and Bloedhoest its time. Kutschurft sneaks in illegally, get onstage and overwhelm the crowd with 20 minutes of noise. At 18 November 2000 the band strikes again, this time at the Pit-night in the ACU in Utrecht. In 30 minutes the crowd is trashed and left behind heavily wounded, not knowing what happened to them. After this meeting the managers of the ACU swear they don’t want anything to do with this band again. In this way the band performs a couple more uninvited gigs. At one evening in late 2000 3 masked men sneak in recording studio Moskou and the force sound-woman Sylvia Vermeulen to record 5 extreme Kutschurft compositions in only 3 hours. A couple of months later they are back for another 3 tracks. The result of these recordings is published on the disk: “Kutschurft”, the debut-album of the band. Never been brought out officially this cd finds it sick ways and become a cult-hit in the underground scene. Then it become quiet around the band, no one exactly knows what the current line-up is and CD’s and shirts are hardly obtainable. Kutschurft has disappeared again, without a trace… In the late months of 2002 there are rumours going on again; Kutschurft would be working on a new album, and indeed, in December Sylvia is lifted of her bed late at night and forced again to put new Kutschurft compositions on tape. MEDISCH CENTRUM KUTSCHURFT! Ruder, Worse and more Immoral than before… With this release Schurvt, Zmegma and Ranzz are at a Symposium of the medical faculty of STD’s in Utrecht and there they meet Puzroggel, he seems to be the missing piece in the Kutschurft jigsaw puzzle. Puzroggel will now play bass in this perverted orchestra. Just a year later in Oktober 2003 there is a release party where the crowd is wrecked with a total sonic orgy of sex, violence and sensation. Now Kutschurft will deal with stuff professionally. There is more and more intense playing. There is a Carnaval version of the song: “Met je kanus in mn Anus” (With your face in my arse) and they release a X-mass song for BNN. In this age of international terrorism everybody is scared and afraid. They are official parliament-questions asked and the General Information and Security Service gets more people to investigate the case now known as: “The Kutschurft Cartel”... Without any result… In the latest months of 2004 and in 2005 there is complete terror… There are a couple of more gigs and Kutschurft now records a new promo: “Kut maar Krachtig” (Cunt but Forceful). Now the market is flooded with Kutschurft beanies, shirts, buttons, bed-sheets and pen boxes. Now there is a Kutschurft Website and there is nothing in the way for Kutschruft to get ultimate world domination!!! So be afraid, really afraid! Because one day Kutschurft is underneath your bed, with a circular saw, welding torch of chainsaw…. Gnah Gnah Gnah……