Monster Movie

'Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are Monster Movie and this is how it all happened: It started out as a joke and it still is. We were The Geeks and we still are. In 1989 we (Christian Savill and Sean Hewson) were a couple of hairy sixth formers with unlikely body shapes and unlovely faces. We had no plans other than to avoid hard labour, grown-up emotions and deep thought. We formed a band called The Geeks that consisted of us on guitars and anyone else that could bear to stand near to us. We played anything that was in E. The Geeks became Eternal (not literally, we are still mortal, much to our chagrin) and we had a steady line-up and some OK songs. We put out a record on Sarah Records but Sean wasn't on it so it didn't go Top Ten. We performed one gig which was 90% guitar tuning, 10% confusion. Christian, very sensibly, cried until Slowdive let him join them and they went on to invent Jazz-Funk. After Slowdive broke up, Christian was anxious to play with someone uglier than him again and so we were back together. Though not romantically. We wrote some songs about sex toys and no one liked us. It was just like the old days. But it didn't last. There were too many ideas and none of them were any good. It is 1999. We work in an office - we hate it. We try to listen to modern music - we hate it. So, we try to make the music we want to hear. We hate that too but decide to call ourselves Monster Movie and carry on with it anyway. In our minds we are a modern Krautrock band so we call ourselves after a Can album that we have never heard. In reality we are a pop band with weird bits. We write some songs and take the whole sorry mess down to Martin Nichols at The White House Studio. He makes it sound nice and fixes our guitars for us. Our demo becomes our first EP - Crash Landing. We follow that with a debut album called Last Night Something Happened. It's pretty good. We then decide that we don't need Martin's help and record our second album - To The Moon - without him. It's terrible - good songs, badly realised. We learn our lesson and run back to Martin. The next album (All Lost) is the best one yet. We also get Rachel Goldstar to do some singing for us. It seems that the less that we have to do with an album the better it is. 2009/2010 sees our twentieth anniversary as a duo and our tenth as Monster Movie. In an attempt to prove to our parents that it hasn't all been a waste of time we have recorded an album called Everyone Is A Ghost. On this album we have added Ryan Graveface to our band of chums. Ryan has long been our label boss but we have decided that, as well as actually paying for the album, he also has to make it sound better by playing and singing on it. Sophie Pittaway also helped out on the vocals. The album has our usual blend of pop songs rendered in a variety of ways - acoustic, electronic, noisy, sparse. We have sent the album to our parents. We have heard nothing back. We are currently writing and rehearsing in Reading with a bass player and drummer with a view to recording an album and possibly playing some gigs later in 2010. Further details will be revealed if it actually works.'