Rihanna Opens Up About Chris Brown In Rolling Stone

While her ex, Chris Brown, has made it clear he doesn't want to talk about his assault on Rihanna, the "S&M" singer was more than willing to discuss her feelings about the 2009 incident in her first Rolling Stone cover interview.

In the issue, which hits stands Friday, Rihanna delves into the difficult times she faced in the wake of the Grammy-eve attack by Brown, saying, "I put my guard up so hard ... I didn't want people to see me cry. I didn't want people to feel bad for me. It was a very vulnerable time in my life, and I refused to let that be the image. I wanted them to see me as, 'I'm fine, I'm tough.' I put that up until it felt real."

Part of the defensive shield she put up around herself came down recently when Rihanna agreed to ease the restraining order against Brown, which prohibited him from being within 100 feet of her. "That's my decision," she said. "It doesn't mean we're gonna make up or even talk again. It just means I didn't want to object to the judge."

Frankly, she admitted, after a brief post-assault attempt at reconciliation, she hasn't heard from Brown in a long time and doesn't plan on dialing him up anytime soon.

"We don't have to talk ever again in my life," she said. "I just didn't want to make it more difficult for him professionally. What he did was a personal thing — it had nothing to do with his career. Saying he has to be 100 feet away from me, he can't perform at awards shows — that definitely made it difficult for him ... But you can never please people. One minute, I'm being too hard, and the next minute, I'm a fool because I'm not being hard enough."

In addition to revealing her love of kinky bedroom play, which she paid homage to in her "S&M" video, Rihanna admitted she might be a bit of a masochist.

"It's not something I'm proud of, and it's not something I noticed until recently," she said. "I think it's common for people who witness abuse in their household. They can never smell how beautiful a rose is unless they get pricked by a thorn."

The cover story is accompanied by a RS online photo gallery chronicling some of Rihanna's boldest fashion choices, as well as quotes from pals such as Katy Perry, who said of her friend, "It's disgusting how gorgeous she is ... Anytime I introduce my friends to her, male or female, the ride back always consists of, 'What, does she drink the blood of virgins?'"

Though she's been tied to a number of men over the past few years, Rihanna revealed that she's not dating anyone at the moment and not even engaging in one of her favorite pastimes: sexting. In fact, she hasn't been with anyone since breaking up with Dodgers star Matt Kemp in December. "You think you're disappointed?" she said about the four-month gap in male companionship. "Try being in this body."

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