Ajax Liquor Store Lyrics

(Telephone Rings)

L: Ajax Liquor Store

D: Aja... Ajax Liquor Store?

L: That's right, pal

D: Do you guys deliver?

L: We deliver

D: You got any tequila?

L: We have tequila

D: Tequila

D: You got quarts?

L: Yes, we have quarts

D: I don't want... I don't want any quarts

L: Alright, how much do you want?

D: I want fifths.

L: You want fifths.

D: Four-fifths

L: Four-fifths tequila

D: Four-fifths tequila

L: Ya

D: Whadda we got so far?

L: We got four-fifths tequila

D: Make that... better make that five

L: Five-fifths tequila

D: Five-fifths tequila

L: Got that

D: You have scotch?

L: We have scotch

D: (mumbles)

L: I beg your pardon?

D: Four

L: Four?

D: Four-fifths of scotch

L: Hello?

D: So is this the Ajax Liquor Store?

L: That's right pal

D: You listed in the yellow pages?

L: Yes, we are listed in the yellow pages

D: How come you're not listed under "taxidermy"?

L: That's impossible

D: Ahh. What? I'm sorry. What? It was what?

L: It's impossible

D: Oh well I must have a couple of pages missing

In my phone book. What have we got so far?

L: Five-fifths tequila... five-fifths of scotch

D: You got any beer?

L: We have beer.

D: Alright. Okay.

L: We have 16-oz cans and 12-cans.

D: Okay.

L: Well how much do you want?
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D: Dis... uhh... two cases.

L: Alright, I've got that down. Alright.

D: Don't send any vermouth.

L: Alright, I won't send any vermouth.

D: That makes my wife sick. She's outta town but

I do it just in her memory.

L: Alright. Okay.

L: We have... we have five-fifths tequila, five-fifths

Of scotch, two cases of beer; one case of 16-oz cans...

D: You just bring that right on, right on up then, uhh?

L: Alright, where do you want me to deliver it?

D: Up at my house

L: Where do you live?

D: Up on the north side

L: On the north side

D: Ya

L: Whereabouts on the north side?

D: Up there by the Japanese amusement park

L: The Japanese amusement park

D: Bambi the deer plays there

L: Is that right?

D: Where Bambi, goes nothin' grows

D: You still there?

L: I'm here. Alright. Don't you have any address,

Any numbers, or anything like that?

D: Ahhh... oh yes, I'm sorry, I'll see... Five

L: Five

D: Five

L: Five

D: Two

L: Two

D: Oh that's not my address, that's my order.

L: That's the order... that's what I thought.

D: You can fi... I'll turn the big red light on.

You can't miss it.

L: Red light on. Okay.

D: There's a big statue of a brindle great dane dog out front.

L: He's not gonna bite, is he?

D: No, he's just a statue.

L: Just a statue. Okay. We got five-fifths tequila,

Five-fifths of scotch, two cases of beer, one case

Of 16-oz cans...

D: No vermouth

L: No vermouth. I wouldn't send vermouth and one case

Of... that's quite an order, are you having a party?

D: Uhh?

L: Are you having a party?

D: No, I'm just trying to work up the nerve to go to

Confession

(Laughter and fade)...