Achmed The Dead Terrorist Lyrics

Jeff: Good evening Achmed

Achmed: Good evening... Infidel

Jeff: So you're a Terrorist?

Achmed: Yes... I am a Terrorist

Jeff: What kind of Terrorist?

Achmed: A terrifying... Terrorist

Achmed: Are you scared?

Jeff: Not really... no.

Achmed: Harrr... and now?

Jeff: Not really, no.

Achmed: Huhharrr... How bout now?

Jeff: No.

Achmed: God Dammit... Oh Oh, I I mean uh, Ala Dammit.

Achmed: SILENCE! I kill you!

Jeff: So uh, Achmed...

Achmed: No no, it's Achmed.

Jeff: That's what I said...

Achmed: No you said Ukned, it's Achmed huchhuch huch huch huch huch...

SILENCE! I kill you!

Jeff:How do'ya spell it?

Achmed: What?

Jeff: How do you spell you name?

Achmed: Oh-uh... lets see an A... C... flimch. SILENCE! I kill you!

Jeff: So Achmed, if you're a Terrorist... I would suppose you have some sort of specialty.

Achmed: Yesss... I am a Suicide Bomber.

Jeff: Ahh... So you're finished?

Achmed: What?

Jeff: yo-you've done your job?

Achmed: No I haven't

Jeff: But you're dead.

Achmed: No I'm not, I feel fine!

Jeff: But you're all bone

Achmed: It's a flesh wound... SILENCE! I kill you! What the h*ll happened to my feet? Sunofa beat? What the h*ll? Oh wait a minute... What tha h*ll? What are you doin? Ok Stop it. Get off... What are you doing to me! STOP TOUCHING ME! I Kill YOU!

Jeff: Al'right just hold on we'll fix this.

Achmed: OK wait what are you doing... holy crap I'm in the air... wait, wait, wait something is backward. Holy crap. I don't know what I'm doin. I need some ligaments.

Jeff: Just sit still...

Achmed: OK... I wil not move my a*s

Walter: You IDIOT you don't have an a*s

Achmed: Is that Walter?

Jeff: yea.

Achmed: He scares the CRAP out-uh me! Please don't put me back in the sinned suitcase.

Jeff: Why?

Achmed: He has gas...

Achmed: Sudan's Mustard gas is nothing compared to a Walter fart.

Walter: Ah.hahahahahahhahahahahahhahaha

Achmed: I-It's not funny... He will kill us!

Jeff: Al-right... listen uh... Achmed... I have something to tell you.

Achmed: What?

Jeff: You-you really are dead.

Achmed: Are are you sure?

Jeff: Yes.

Achmed: I just got my Flu shot.

Jeff: You really are dead.

Achmed: Wait. If I am dead... *gasp... That means I get my 72 virgins *gasp... Are you my virgins? I hope not.

Jeff: Why?

Achmed: There's a bunch of ugly-a*s guys out there.

Achmed: If this is paradise... I've been SCREWED!

Jeff: Well did they say it would only be, female, virgins?

Achmed: Holy Crap!

Achmed: Wait... I could have a Clay Aiken. ahahahahahha. I told a jokech!

Jeff: Al'right so listen Achmed, so where did you come from?

Achmed: Your freaking suitcase. ahahahahaha. I told another one.

Jeff: heh, look if you've been in my suitcase all this time... How have you been getting through security at the airports?

Achmed: Oh that's easy, they open the case and I go "ello! I am Lindsey Lohan!" haha... I-I told another Jokech! I can do this crap to'ch.

Achmed: Ok, here's another one... 2 Jews walk in a bar.

Jeff: No, no.

Achmed: What?

Jeff: no.

Achmed: What, you don't let Jews in your bar? You racist bast**d.

Jeff: What I mean is I don't want racist jokes in my act.

Achmed: Oh-ok, how 'bout if I kill the Jews?

Jeff: No.

Achmed: I'm kidding, I would not kill the Jews... No! I would toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death! ahahahhahaha! Yes-yes! I did the same thing with 2 Catholic Priests then I tossed in a small boy! ahahahahaha. haha yes-yes, and the winner had to fight Michael Jackson.Jeff Dunham - Achmed The Dead Terrorist - http://motolyrics.com/jeff-dunham/achmed-the-dead-terrorist-lyrics.html

Jeff: YOUUGHHH!

Achmed: Ahahahaha.

Jeff: Achmed.

Achmed: what?

Jeff: Stop doing this.

Achmed: What?

Jeff: You can't tell jokes like that.

Achmed: Why not? I'm killing so to speak.

Jeff: Well you can't tell jokes like that.

Achmed: Why?

Jeff: It offends people.

Achmed: Oh I'm dead what do I care? What do you want me to do... Knock-knock jokesch?

Jeff: That would probably be better.

Achmed: Ok, Knock-knock...

Jeff: Whose there?

Achmed: Me! I kill you.

Jeff: So look, as a suicide bomber have you had training?

Achmed: Of course, we had the suicide bomber training camp.

Jeff: Ah, is that a nice facility?

Achmed: It used to be.

Jeff: What happened?

Achmed: New guy... The idiot tried to practice!

Jeff: And what did you guys learn from that?

Achmed: location, location, location.

Jeff: So you guys have any kind of motto?

Achmed: Like what?

Jeff: You know like, "We are looking for a few good men.

Achmed: Were looking for some idiots with no future.

Jeff: So where do you get your recruits?

Achmed: The suicide Hotline. ahahahha... That was dark was it not?

Jeff: yea, so-uh what exactly happened to you?

Achmed: Hah?

Jeff: What happened?

Achmed: Oh, if you must know. I am a horrible suicide bomber!

Jeff: What happened?

Achmed: I had a preimature detonation. I set the timer for 30 minutes but it went off in 4 seconds!

Achmed: You know what that's like right? Mr.Hurrrriiccaanne...

Walter: ahahahhahahahaha

Jeff: So achmed, what exactly happened to you?

Achmed: Well, I was getting gasoline and I answered my cellphone.

Jeff: yea.

Achmed: Can you hear me now... cunk. At first I thought it was because I went over my minutes.

Jeff: That's too bad.

Achmed: It's ok I took that Verizon bas***d with me.

Jeff: So-uh, what's it like to die? Do you see a white light?

Achmed: If you're dumb enough to watch the explosion... yes.

Jeff: No, I mean when some people die they see a white light. What did you see?

Achmed: I saw flying car parts...

Jeff: What was the last thing that went through you're mind?

Achmed: My a*s. Ahahahhaha. Walter told me to tell that jokech.

Jeff: So you never saw a white light?

Achmed: No, but I saw a Blue creais. Do you really have one of those vehicles?

Jeff: Yes.

Achmed: Ahahahhahahah! OHH! That is not a car that's a lunch box.

Achmed: Did you know when you're going down the highway in a creais that if you put your hand out the window, the vehicle will turn.

Jeff: You did all of this for a bunch of virgins?

Achmed: Are you kidding me? I'd kill you for a klondik bar.

Jeff: So I guess you're Muslim?

Achmed: I don't think so.

Jeff: You're not Muslim?

Achmed: No.

Jeff: Why?

Achmed: Look on my A*s, It says made in China.

Achmed: Walter says I'm just a stinkin' Halloween decoration. ahahhahaha.

Jeff: So do you like being in D.C?

Achmed: I think some idiots must live there.

Jeff: Why?

Achmed: For example, the Washington monument.

Jeff: Yes?

Achmed: It looks nothing like the guy, it looks more like a tribute to Bill Clinton. AHHahahhaha

Jeff: What do ya think of Bush?

Achmed: Ohhhhhhh, I love Buhh, Oh! You mean the president? I'm sorry.