Miley Cyrus' Most LOL-Worthy 'Two And A Half Men' Lines

Miley Cyrus (complete with platinum-blond mohawk) finally made her "Two and a Half Men" debut Thursday night, and the "Hannah Montana" star's long-awaited return to the small screen didn't disappoint.

As chatty, sassy PYT Missi, the actress/singer fit in perfectly with the all-male crew on the hit CBS series. Missi blew into Malibu "like an AK-47" and never looked back. The episode revolves around Cyrus' character, the daughter of one of Walden's (Ashton Kutcher) old pals, on a visit to L.A. From the moment the scantily clad Missi walks into Walden's beach house, both he and his roomie, Alan (Jon Cryer), find themselves lusting after her. But, despite her hotness, they quickly grow tired of her never-ending need to talk and talk and talk.

However, she does find romance, albeit briefly, with Alan's son, Jake (Angus T. Jones), who has come home from the Army for a visit with his family. He falls for the fast-talking girl, only to discover she has true love back at home. But before he gets his heart broken, she slings some rather wacky lines and anecdotes. And, in honor of her appearance on the show (the first of two episodes), MTV News has rounded up some of her best barbs:

Mississippi Burning
Upon meeting Alan, Missi explains the origins of her name in a truly TMI fashion. "Hi, I'm Missi! Everyone thinks its short for Melissa, but it's actually for Mississippi — the river, not the state, because according to my parents, I was conceived on the deck of a gambling boat when my daddy won a $5,000 jackpot."

The Secret to Success
While she's in L.A. to decide if she wants to move there, back home, Missi has it all figured out. She's a dental assistant, and she shares the secret to any dentist's success: "Do you know what the lollipops are for? Repeat business."

Young and Wild and Free
After deciding to hang out with Walden on his deck, she wants to catch some rays. Much to his surprise, Missi is willing to go topless right in front of him. And how did she broach the subject? By asking, "Do you mind if I pop the girls out? You know, get a little color on Kim and Khloé."

Matchmaker, Matchmaker
While Walden both fears and hopes that Missi jumped into bed with for a hookup, he quickly learns she's trying to set him up with her mom. Although he's slightly appalled by the prospect that he's viewed as old, it's her next tidbit that is even more perplexing. "If it helps at all, she actually just had her boobs done. They actually used mine as a model. The doctor even put them in his catalogue."

Au Revior
As Missi bids Jake a fond farewell before he heads back to the base, the slightly clueless young lady offers up these earnest words of support for the fry cook: "Goodbye, Jake. Don't be a hero!"