Ned Nostril (And His South Seas Paradise, Puts Your Blues On Ice, Cheap And Twice Lyrics

Well, even when Ned was a little bitty baby
His nose covered most of his face
And as he grew to manhood
It spread out all over the place
His heroes were Carl Malden
Jimmy Durante and Pinocchio
And all his friends used to wonder
Just how big it was gonna grow.

Well, growin' up was a problem for Ned
He tried sports but he couldn't make it
On the football field the other team
Used to kick his nose and try to take it.
Basketball games were always the same
Ned always felt inhibited.
When the referee blew his whistle
He called him down for double dribblin'.

Then Ned had a brainstorm
He'd be a music man.
So he rounded up his buddies
And they started a little band.
Now it's hard gettin' bookings
When you're virtually new and unknown.
But Ned had a plan and a name for the band
And a sound all their own.

You see the boys in the band would sniff ragweed
Till their allergies were screamin'.
Then they'd harmonize with watery eyes
And sinuses a-streamin'.
And Ned took his liability
Figured out how to turn it around.
They wore Hy-waiian clothes and Ned played his nose
And... That was their sound.

So if you wanna hear some wheezin' and sneezin'
And blowin' and goin' that's grand
Go hear Ned Nostril and his South Seas Paradise
Puts your blues on ice Ray Stevens - Ned Nostril (And His South Seas Paradise, Puts Your Blues On Ice, Cheap And Twice - http://motolyrics.com/ray-stevens/ned-nostril-and-his-south-seas-paradise-puts-your-blues-on-ice-cheap-and-twice-lyrics.html
Cheap at twice the price band
(Icky Icky Ucky)
They're all you can stand
(Icky Icky Ucky)
The best in the land
(Icky Icky Ucky)
Booked solid and in demand
(Icky Icky Ucky Ucky Icky Icky Ucky)

*coughing, wheezing, blowing, phlegm sounds*

Ned tried to play the guitar
But his nose covered most of the chord
And he tried to play the piano
But he couldn't see the keyboard
He tried to play the drums some
But his nose stuck too far out
And he couldn't play a horn
Cause he couldn't get the darn thing up to his mouth.

So the guys in the band kept sniffin' and coughin'
That's how the story goes
And Ned was such a hit, He never quit
Hummin' and thumbin' his nose (Best picker in town!)

So if you wanna hear some wheezin' and sneezin'
And blowin' and goin' that's grand
Go hear Ned Nostril and his South Seas Paradise
Puts your blues on ice
Cheap at twice the price band
(Icky Icky Ucky)
They're the best in the land
(Icky Icky Ucky)
Booked solid and in demand
(Icky Icky Ucky Ucky)
They're all you can stand
(Icky Icky Ucky Ucky Icky Icky Ucky)

*coughing, wheezing, blowing, phlegm sounds till end*