Grandmother's Song Lyrics

Be courteous, kind, and forgiving

Be gentle and peaceful each day

Be warm and human and grateful

And have a good thing to say

Be thoughtful and trustful and childlike

Be witty and happy and wise

Be honest and love all your neighbors

Be obsequious, purple and clairvoyant

Be sure to stop at stop signs

And drive fifty-five miles an hour
Steve Martin - Grandmother's Song - http://motolyrics.com/steve-martin/grandmothers-song-lyrics.html
Pick up hitchhikers foaming at the mouth

And when you get home get a master's degree in geology

Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus

Be dull and boring and omnipresent

Criticize things you don't know about

Be oblong and have your knees removed

(Ladies only) Never make love to Bigfoot

(Men only) Hello, my name is Bigfoot

(Everyone) Put a live chicken in your underwear

Go into a closet and suck eggs