Ten Foot Cock And A Few Hundred Virgins Lyrics

So you're gonna live in paradise

With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins

So you're gonna live in paradise

With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins

So you're gonna sacrifice your life

For a ride on a UFO

And when the Lord comes down with his shimmering chariot of salvation

You're gonna be the first to know

And so if

God was there from the very beginning

He invented men and women

Then He also invented wanking

Then He said wanking was sinning

So now if I'm feeling randy

I'm not allowed a hand shandy

But having sex with my family

That is just fucking great

It's all there in Ezekiel 8

Just before he opens up His big pearly gates

And says that it's a sin

To take it up the date

Even if it's great

Even with your cowboy mate

So you're gonna live in paradise

With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins

So you're gonna sacrifice your life

For a shot at the greener grass

And when the Lord comes down with his shiny rod of judgement

He's gonna kick my heathen ass

So if you

Cover the bodies of your women

Everybody is grinnin'

Because black is so slimmin'

Though it's not great for swimmin'

But it gives you an erection

With the increased sexual tension

What with the UV protection

That is second to none

You'll find it all in the Koran

Just next to the bit that justifies guns

And says that it's a sin

To take it up the bum

Even if it's fun

Even with permission from your mum
Tim Minchin - Ten Foot Cock And A Few Hundred Virgins - http://motolyrics.com/tim-minchin/ten-foot-cock-and-a-few-hundred-virgins-lyrics.html
So you're gonna live in paradise

With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins

So you're gonna sacrifice your life

For a shot at eternity

And when the Lord comes down and I haven't done my penance

He's gonna disembowel me

You say that

If I

Stumbled on a watch I'd assume it had a watchmaker

That a muffin presupposes a baker

So we must agree sooner or later

That this proves there's a creator

So if I put my foot in a stinker

You'd assume the existence of a sphincter

Thus you don't need to be a great thinker

To conclude that God's a bum

Which negates the words of Genesis 1

Which make him out to be so much fun

Until Adam succumbed

To temptation

And then his only son

Got nailed to a gum

Or the Middle Eastern equivalent

Which suggest that God's omniscience

Is nullified by his ambivalence

Unless it turns out that he's impotent

And if God can't get a boner

I guess that explains the plethora

Of huge erections in His honour

Cos we all know a steeple is just a subconscious, compensatory manifestation of a huge, stiff penis

And still He tell us that it's heinous

To stick a penis up your anus

Even if you're famous

Even if you're good at... tennis

So you're gonna live in paradise

With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins

So you're gonna sacrifice your life

For a ride on a UFO

And when the Lord comes down with his big, stiff, slippery rod of judgement

I'm gonna be the first to go

He's gonna send me down below

He's gonna whip me like a ho

D'ya really think so?

I'm gonna be the first to go