Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me Lyrics

Oh, the sand keeps falling through the hourglass
And there's no way you're going to slow it down
You say we got to treasure each moment
Who knows how long we're gonna be around
Yeah, you keep on telling me life is short
And its hard to disagree with what you say
But if time is so precious why ya wasting mine
'Cause I'm always reading, always deleting
Every useless piece of garbage that you send my way

Every stupid hoax, all those corny jokes
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Well, I don't need tons of cringe inducing puns
Stop forwarding that crap to me

No, it isn't ok if you brighten my day
With some cut and pasted hackneyed Hallmark poetry
And I didn't request a personality test
Stop forwarding that crap to me

You're sending virus-laden bandwidth-hogging attachments
to every single person you know
You're passing around a link to some dumb thing on YouTube
that everybody else already saw three years ago

And wacky, badly Photoshopped billboards were never that amusing to me
And I just can't believe you believe those urban legends
But I have high hopes that someone will point you toward Snopes
And debunk that crazy junk you're spewing constantly

No, I don't want a bowl of "Chicken Soup for the Soul"
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Send more top 10 lists and I'll slash my wrists
Please stop forwarding that crap to me

Well, I'm sorry I can't accept your paranoid rantWeird Al Yankovic - Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me - http://motolyrics.com/weird-al-yankovic/stop-forwarding-that-crap-to-me-lyrics.html
And I don't want the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe
Won't you kindly refrain 'cause it's hurting my brain
Stop forwarding that crap to me

Like glittery hearts and unicorns and pictures of somebody's cat
Now tell me in what alternate reality will I care about something like that?
And by the way your quotes from George Carlin aren't really George Carlin
Mr. Rogers never fought the Viet Cong
And Bill Gates is never gonna give me something for nothing
And I really doubt some dead girl is gonna kill me if I don't pass her letter along

Well, now I know you're wishing I'll sign your petition
But stop forwarding that crap to me
And I don't want to read your series of conspiracy theories
Just stop forwarding that crap to me

And your two million loser friends all have my address
Now 'cause you never figured out the way to BCC
But now I gotta insist, take me off of your list
Stop forwarding that crap to me

Stop forwarding that crap to me
(This line repeats to end while the following is interjected:)

Just stop it now…Oh no…
I can't take it…..Aw please…
You gotta stop…Right now…
I'm not kidding…
At the risk of being slightly repetitious gonna ask you now to stop
Sending me that crap
I don't want it, don't send it to me
Now don't send it to me
Just stop…Stop forwarding that crap to me, to me