Lose That Lard Lyrics

Last Saturday night, the missus & me
We was puttin' on our best duds
It was bingo night at the KFC
& they were servin' free knocks & suds
She said "Hon? I can't fit these pants!
Could you please come here & try it?"
I said "You & them pants'll be in splitsville, hon
Unless you go on a diet."
Now she just turns around & stares me down
& purrs in a voice so sweet:
"So when was the last time you looked down
& was able to see your feet?"
So I snuck a peek & began to cuss
My great big white spare tire
"Let's pick a diet from a source we can trust
Our beloved National Enquirer"

CHORUS:
Well it's gonna be hard to lose this lard
But we gotta go on a diet
She gotta go (he gotta go)
We gotta go on a diet!

We saw before-&-after photos you wouldn't believe
Like miracles before our eyes
My gal lost 50 pounds in one night
& 2 feet off of her thighs
I said, "Hon, here's one where you can't eat none
& you just drink through a straw
Well it wouldn't be cheap, but I'd pay a heap
To see 'em wirin' up your jaw"
She goes "Sweetie, this one's for you too
'Cause you wouldn't have to do no thinkin'
If you were on a diet, I wouldn't have to cook
& you could just keep right on drinkin'!"

(chorus)

We tried juice-fast body wraps, pinked in Prittic Dr. Elmo - Lose That Lard - http://motolyrics.com/dr-elmo/lose-that-lard-lyrics.html
& Oprah & Dickey Simmons
They was tummy tucks, label sucks, oh 8 pounds
A way old brand of hypnotism
Oh we could go on about the diets we done
& the foods & the fat, oh brother
But suffice it to say, we woke up one day
& barely recognized each other
Now my little woman was lookin' trim
In her hot Spand-ur-ex tights
& I was fillin' out my bowlin' shirt
With a shape that'd knock out her life

Well it sure was hard to lose that lard
But we fin'lly went on a diet
She fin'lly went (he fin'lly went)
We fin'lly went on a diet

But as I strutted in front of the mirror
The strangest look came across her face
She said "Boy, you resemble a prune
With that loose skin all over the place!"
Well, I didn't lose a beat; I said
"Sweetie pie, I ain't never had an inkling
That underneath all that flab o' yers
You're so busy wrinklin'!"
Well, our eyes met & in a flash
We knew what we had to do
So we jumped in the car & ran down to the store
& loaded up on sweets & goo
Now we're livin' on candy, cookies & cake
& ice cream & all like that
'Cause the lesson we learned the hard way was
We look much better fat

(x2):
Well, we worked so hard to lose that lard
But we look much better fat
She looks better (he looks better)
We both look better fat